As I write this in my office at home, my wife Mary is watching one of her favorite shows, the Housewives of somewhere or other. In this Netflix/Prime world, I found it strange to hear commercials playing every 10 minutes or so. Of course, the ads are easy to notice because they are much louder than the regular program, so that I can hear them through the walls.
Most of the commercials are for lawyers and drug companies. The demographic for the show must be for people who require medication and have legal problems or like to sue people in car accidents. I laughed, thinking the demographic might be the very people I was writing about; drinkers.
The drug commercials usually have soothing music with an attractive older couple strolling through a flower-filled meadow while the smooth narrator tells us about the side effects. Some of the side effects are astonishing, especially when the narrator soothingly says, “and even death” at the end of every sentence as if it was no big deal.
As I turned back to my keyboard to start writing again, I had a revelation.
“Holy crap,” I exclaimed to the empty home office, startling the cat who likes to watch birds out my window, “those drug commercials are mentioning some of the same side effects as alcohol.”
I started imagining if someone put a commercial together with a woman walking through her garden as lovely gentle music played while she smiled ruefully up at a butterfly, and the narrator began with, “Ask your doctor if Alcohol.”
“Don’t take alcohol if you are pregnant while operating heavy equipment or driving a motor vehicle, as there is a risk of fainting and or blackout. Don’t take alcohol if you are taking antibiotics, blood pressure meds, insulin, antidepressants, sleeping aids, as alcohol can interact and even alter the effects of other drugs.”
“Alcohol can lead to vitamin deficiencies, leading to a disorder characterized by amnesia, apathy, and disorientation. Alcohol will also cause gastritis, inflammation of stomach walls, malnutrition, and the destruction of enzymes in the gut that are essential for your immune system.”
“Other side effects include slurred speech, drowsiness, diarrhea, upset stomach, vomiting, distorted vision, hearing loss, migraine headaches, and even loss of consciousness.”
“Some patients reported, Impaired judgment along with decreased perception and coordination causing unintentional injuries such as car accidents, falling down, burns, scalds, and drowning.”
“Alcohol will also cause severe lack of judgment leading to unintended pregnancy, intentional and unintentional injuries such as sexual assault, domestic violence, and injuries with firearms, alcohol poisoning and alcohol overdose and even death.”
“In some extreme cases, alcohol causes high blood pressure, anemia (loss of red blood cells), Blackouts including memory lapses, where the alcohol blocks memories events that occurred good or bad, while under the influence.
Taking alcohol during the day can lead to increased on-the-job injuries, loss of productivity, and even job loss. Taking alcohol at night can lead to increased social and family problems causing broken relationships including and not limited to sexual problems, anger issues, murder, and suicide.”
“Alcohol may also lead to death from stroke, and other heart-related diseases, liver disease, nerve damage, permanent damage to the brain, bleeding ulcers, several cancers including cancer of the mouth and throat.”
“Alcohol is not right for everyone, so ask your doctor if alcohol is right for you. If you need assistance obtaining alcohol, call 888-555-5555 for a free sample.”
Kevin B. Leigh 5.2021
Wow, when you put it that way… WTF.
I honestly started this chapter as a joke, but the more I wrote, the more serious it became. This chapter then became my go-to read whenever I relapse and think about having a drink.
Consider cutting and pasting this into the notes app on your phone and reading it before you head into the liquor store or reach for the bottle opener. Download it at badassandsober.com/readbeforedrinking. It might make you think twice.
Because badass and sober people are careful about what they put into their bodies.
